it's me, bea. i thought it would be fun and semi-productive to force myself back into writing things by doing a monthly newsletter covering a variety of topics, including news relating to my webcomic. this would provide a way to archive the weird shit i find in a more user friendly place as well as forcing anyone who signs up to look at that weird shit too.

if you're reading this, i hope you derive some entertainment from the same mostly mundane shit that i do. i realize this first newsletter is really wordy but 50% of it is the gregwatch explainer, so forgive me for now.

next update: a review of "scary movie" that compares and contrasts the parodies the original scenes. i hope this will reveal audience attitudes about the movies themselves and the tropes/conventions being poked at. stay stupid.

-bea

the carpetbagger, my favorite divorced dad on youtube, visited the louis tussaud wax museum and once again i got to experience the raw artistic spirit of the famous madame's fail great-grandson. louis and whoever took over for him have the general idea...most of the time. see if you recognize THESE famous faces!

thin-skinned living soyjack chuck wendig shamed himself when he performed the single most cowardly move a person can execute in response to criticism: filing a DMCA take-down of a video that committed the crime of hurting his feelings.

diregentleman's video "we stole chuck wendig's 1001 writing tips" is a 7 hour (?!) tear-down of the entire book, which might seem excessive, until you see what the criticism looks like.

it's an entire book. of this.

if there were ever proof that success is not a meritocracy look no further than the inexplicable and frustrating career of chuck wendig. the good news is they managed to roll the dice on someone at youtube who understands the concept of "fair use" and had the copyright strike reversed.

a nice discovery on youtube (loud?)

:)

youtube comedy group i've never heard of before called "supermega" (no relation to the comic of the same name) are suing one of their members for embezzlement.

what's going on in the wacky and wild world of wikipedia

okay.

well, i did find this sick coat of arms that belongs to the negruzzi family

i guess they found out that you're allowed to do that. you can just make your coat of arms a badass skull with a crown. its such bullshit we don't have heraldry in america. all we get is division insignia which mostly sucks. on the other hand, there is this one that looks like a beavis skeleton lol

okay, i want to learn about other cultures now.

cool.

finally, the wiki talk pages have turned out to be an incredible source of entertainment. check them out sometime...you might be surprised at what you see...

exactly what it says.

the first gregwatch requires an introduction or i risk people mistaking my ogling for celebration: who IS greg kelly?

great question, but it's difficult to introduce him without first giving you this disclaimer/warning/threat: do not follow or talk to this man. do not interact with him. if you rustle his delicate ecosystem, i will come to your house and push all of your teeth back into your head. he sucks.

greg kelly is a deeply conservative news anchor for the neo-conservative/fascist news website/channel "newsmax". newsmax is like fox news on crack. they are just a few weeks away from reporting on weather machines and bigfoot sightings. there is absolutely no reason for anyone to be feeding into this machine, me included.

except, then i saw this tweet:

no one has any idea what the fuck he's talking about. this is the most bizarre unprompted tweet i've seen in a long while. i was enthralled by the alternate universe he lived in where gumby and pokey died in a "murder-suicide pact" (not sure what that is now that i think about it. does one shoot the other? who did the shooting? i guess gumby because pokey doesn't have hands) and everyone quickly forgot about it. it was a tweet so good, i could feel my cells reversing their decay to add years to my life. thank you, greg.

and before you try and smack me down with "oh this is a parody account IDIOT" i will gladly inform you that it is not. you must immediately accept 2 things:

1. greg kelly is currently the reigning champion of the art of posting on twitter dot com
2. we have no soldiers in the posting wars who come anywhere close to greg's abilities. and he's not even trying. he just churns this stuff out constantly without thinking.

further exploration of his account and wikipedia page (which helpfully informed me that a mortar exploded in his face. this might explain a lot) sketched out a type of human i have never met before in my life. this is, for real, a man who somehow types the way g-man talks. ive never seen a single second of him in video format so i have no idea if he has the same tenuous grasp on social mores that he does in the written form. but my god. he uses capslock like a paintbrush; his canvas, the text box.

the gregwatch is both an anthropological study and espionage mission. what the hell are they doing over there. the way he expresses his conservative views can be...unorthodox. when you see it, you'll get it. look:

i like that he tagged popeyes.

jesus christ. like, how are people supposed to compete with this. what is he.

the usual gregwatch will just be images with some light framing for context when needed. they speak for themselves, frankly.

thank you, greg. fuck you. but also keep posting this shit.

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update schedule:

i will be out of town from june 24th-27th.

trying to pace myself better so i stop giving myself carpal tunnel for no reason. doctors appts still looming in the future. more leg stuff. more therapy.

getting better at figuring out my pace. it's taking some time lol. i really don't know how to form habits for work as it turns out. i might need to aggressively research how to consistently. i guess that seems obvious when i write it down but you think "i dont have time for that" and just go back to looking at wikipedia pages about decapitated french aristocrats.

i also spent a majority of the month without my add meds. did you know the DEA has a hard cap on how many amphetamines companies are allowed to produce? did you know each most people need the 20 mg size and that capping it at the same amount as the others leads to chronic shortages? i got to learn all this through google searches and talking to the pharmacists to try to figure out why the government decided i needed to go off speed cold turkey.

however...this latest round of meds born from this problem (two 10 mg tablets split over the day) is pretty great. lets see where my body is going with this. i just this week started getting stuff done. cool and exciting.

that right there is why you're the best bosse (ranking of kings)

well, so long everyone. see you next month.

if you like this kind of stuff, you can support me on patreon for as low as $1.